Monday, February 28, 2005
My mind is blocked. I can't help but to feel fucked up right now. I fear disappointment and got it. Slapped me right in the fucking face. I've always have envisioned the otherwise to what I am feeling right now. The fucking euphoric Zeek. Yeah fucking right. I am not getting that now. This marks the darkest turning point I am having right now in my life. I am trying to psyche myself into thinking that ITE isn't that bad. But hahaha nooooooooo. Tears can't flow. Cos that will be gay. Theres no point in crying cos that won't fucking change anything. You all know that. What the fuck am I gonna do now? Try to take some stupid course and fucking try to keep my head up for the rest of my life? Yeah work hard. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF TRYING TO WORK FUCKING HARD IN THIS FUCKED UP SOCIETY. Oh yeah I can go on and on and on. But I know you wouldn't that.

Fortunately however, I didn't vent my anger on anyone .. yet. Lets hope not. I am not gonna sleep well for the next few days. I just wish that I am living a nightmare right now, hoping to wake up. Am I dreaming? Guess not.

I will try to live my life to the fullest before submitting myself again to the fucking Government. Get away from me.

zK taped a piece at 2/28/2005 04:39:00 PM
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Sunday, February 27, 2005
I need new friends.

zK taped a piece at 2/27/2005 04:48:00 AM
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Now Listening: Spiral Architect - Excessit

I will never.. [insert]

I am just feeling miserable. I hope this shit is worth it.

Loneliness, is what I am feeling now. Its also what I hate most.

I am just wasting my time here trying to think of something 'happy' to write about.

So yeah, screw it.

[insert]fall.[/insert]

zK taped a piece at 2/27/2005 04:09:00 AM
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Friday, February 18, 2005
Now Listening: Gordian Knot - A Shaman's Whisper

I am hooked to this song. It's nice. I don't know what other words to use. Calm, relaxing, controlled music yet heavy. For real.

Natural Selection is dying. Our morale well except maybe for the vocalist, is sinking. We don't have that drive and commitment we used to have in the past anymore, simply, after our realisation of where that same drive would lead us to.. nowhere. So we auditioned for a couple of gigs and all that but to no avail. We are desperately in need of a gig which suits to our music or whatever now more than ever. We need to have something which pays off of our 3 years of jamming together.

Well, I have a job now. I'll be helping out my drummer with his recording/jamming studio @ his school in Clementi. The salary ain't much. I wish there is a faster way of transportation to get there. Man.. the shortest time is 1.5 hours? Thats like unearthing the only nightmare I've ever had with Moonlit Catastrophe. Transportation. I'll also be helping out his school band in case they need a guitarist or something. But sigh, I won't get paid for that though. I hope I'll be jamming for free. Hahahaha.

zK taped a piece at 2/18/2005 06:27:00 AM
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Now Listening: Gordian Knot - Some Brighter Thing

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results
Sociability |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||||| 56%
Assertiveness |||||||||||| 35%
Activity Level ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 99%
Excitement-Seeking |||||||||||||||||||||||| 77%
Enthusiasm ||||||||||||||| 44%
Extroversion ||||||||||||||||||||| 64%
Trust ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 97%
Morality ||||||||||||||||||||| 67%
Altruism |||||||||||||||||| 60%
Cooperation |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 89%
Modesty |||||||||||| 34%
Sympathy ||||||||||||||||||||| 69%
Friendliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 69%
Confidence ||||||||| 29%
Neatness ||||||||||||||| 44%
Dutifulness ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 95%
Achievement ||||||||||||||| 41%
Self-Discipline ||||||||| 29%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||| 52%
Orderliness ||||||||||||||| 48%
Anxiety |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 87%
Volatility |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 81%
Depression |||||||||||||||||| 55%
Self-Consciousness ||||||||||||||| 45%
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Vulnerability |||||||||||||||||||||||| 71%
Emotional Stability |||||||||||| 39%
Imagination |||||||||||||||||| 51%
Artistic Interests |||||||||||||||||||||||| 75%
Introspection |||||||||||||||||||||||| 72%
Adventurousness ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 92%
Intellect ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 95%
Liberalism ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
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zK taped a piece at 2/18/2005 12:07:00 AM
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Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Now Listening: Mr. Bungle - My Ass is On Fire

I am down with a fever. Crap ahhh.

Two pills of panadol is all you neeeeed.

Another boring day at home. Hahaha. Eh come lets go out! :P

zK taped a piece at 2/15/2005 03:10:00 AM
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Monday, February 14, 2005
Here is Part II.

I hit the 'Publish Post' too soon. Yes. Today is a weekday which means.. that Bedok North is filled with students. I'd like to see that building get torched. Its 10:32am. Upper secondary students having recess hahaha. I heard that a couple of the students got married. Dumb ass kids. Thats when break ups turn into divorces ahahaha.

Oh yeah and Happy Valentine's Day to all couples.

I am spending my 17th Vday alone. How boring. No plans yet. I think I'll be spending yet another day at home with nothing better to do than guitar-ing and video gaming while the rest are out with their counterparts. Man.

Ok. So I'll stop here for a while to go get some rest. I'll be back for Part iii. I think. Later. So.. yeah. Bye.

zK taped a piece at 2/14/2005 10:32:00 AM
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Ok.. an update finally. Though I do not know exactly what to update on. I'll still try to keep this entry as long as possible okk?

Ok. My band went through some audition thingy with Wake Me Up Music. It was crappy. Ah ok. So .. yeah we screwed up. Even if we get in, I don't think we'll fit into playing with the other punk and 'hard' bands. Played 22 Acacia Avenue and our original crap music. :p

Other than that, it has been quite boring. I want to go slacking again. Argh. Anyway, I screwed my internal clock again. Don't be surprise if I go silent for a few hours in the midst of a chat session with me. That means, yup.. I am dead.

The highlight of last week though, was Power Rangers: The Movie. Yeah. Nostalgia booster. I was a big fan of the original Power Rangers. I lost interest when they evolved into Turbo and all that crap. Goldar is still God. Lord Zed is cool. Sauron is a rip off of him.

Been looking through me photo galleries. Man, another booster. Those were the days. I wish I can bring back those days. What fun I had. The most fun year was 2003. =\ 2004 was crap. 2005. No idea. I treasure the days of the Travellator, the days of the birth of the Secret Club, Overnight at Imp's, the Powermetal Raya invasion.. man that was funny hahahaha. That was one memorable day though.

Things change. There are a lot of new faces now. 5 new faces in the powermetal boys clan. Yup just this week itself. Plus, I haven't been hanging out with them for a while now which sucks. I've been sacrificing meetings and stuff just to hang out with them, but will always have some misunderstandings and all that bullshit crap.

Just call me. I have a handphone.

zK taped a piece at 2/14/2005 09:58:00 AM
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Wednesday, February 09, 2005
music cured me.

zK taped a piece at 2/09/2005 07:04:00 PM
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Saturday, February 05, 2005
I am not needed in this world any more. I don't have a purpose to live.

zK taped a piece at 2/05/2005 03:05:00 PM
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Friday, February 04, 2005
Found something interesting while looking through Kyn's blog.

Name analysis.

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While the name Haziq creates the urge to be creative, independent and original, we point out that it limits self-expression and friendly congeniality with a tendency to be moody. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses heart, lungs, bronchial area, and tension or accidents to the head.

The name of Haziq gives you a very individual, reserved, serious nature. You prefer to be alone with your own thoughts, rather than in the company of others. This name restricts spontaneity in association and the fluency of your verbal expression. When you are required to express yourself in personal matters requiring finesse and diplomacy, you feel awkward and embarrassed. Although you realize perfectly well what is expected of you, you are unable to find the right words, and hence you end up saying something inappropriate in a candid way. You can express your deeper thoughts and feelings best through writing.
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zK taped a piece at 2/04/2005 06:07:00 PM
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Now Listening: Angra - Heroes of the Sand

2005 is a fucked up year afterall. Well not yet for me, but for the other people who have suffered great losses. :(

Do not stand at my grave and weep...
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glint on the snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.

- Anonymous

zK taped a piece at 2/04/2005 05:20:00 PM
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Wednesday, February 02, 2005
I don't know who I am anymore. Please help me.

Maybe I'm just tired. I am pissed with myself. I hate waiting. Shut up. Why are you so fucking greedy. Damnit. I dunno what to think anymore. Thats because you're a moron moron. Ok shut up.

My IQ is at its low nowadays. So forgive me for being a dumb asshole. Yeah say what you want that I am lacking love or some shit like that. Cos I don't gve a fuck. Screw you guys your love won't last. You'll die, you'll burn and the winds are gonna devour you. Damnit. Give me love.

What the fuck is wrong with you? You have all the love you want. Wrong bitch.

Rid of anger, greed and envy.

(inhales and exhales slowly)

I am done.

zK taped a piece at 2/02/2005 07:36:00 AM
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Power is a dangerous thing.

zK taped a piece at 2/02/2005 07:26:00 AM
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