So yes. It has been a fucking boring week for me. First of all, I am seriously fucked up with my DNT. I don't give a fuck about it anymore.

Secondly, I've been staying at home for the past 48 hours. Imagine how mundane and vague. I need to go out. I went out just now for like only 30 minutes. Alone.. running and jumping around the neighbourhood. I spent the rest of my days watching porn and Jackass. Also, chatting.

Usually, I would spend my days with my guitar, chat and porn. But things have changed around here. I've been severely stressed up from who knows what. Heh.

I love you all.

zK taped a piece at 9/26/2004 03:23:00 AM

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------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I may be a loser, a failure, a madman or a retard.

But I like it.

zK taped a piece at 9/25/2004 02:12:00 AM

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------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Woohoooooo! I just got recruited into a majestic black folkish progressive technical metal band! WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Secret ah.

zK taped a piece at 9/24/2004 01:43:00 AM

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------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pardon me English.

Every second passes by slowly. Every moment which is supposed to be treasured is slowly wasting away. I stare into an empty space, in deep thought..

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

I am in a mess and no one is here to clean me up. No one except for one.. me. Sure sucks being alone all the time. But hey, theres no wrong in saying that you were born alone and you're gonna die alone. I am just procrasinating my way to failure. I am trying to fight it. A war against myself. Failure.. humiliation.. ok a fucked up life? How's that?

I wish living could be much more easier. I just wish that all my sufferings will just be erased away in an instant instead of accumulating up to the state of being depressed. I am depressed whenever I am alone. Whenever I think of myself. That is why I socialise. I socialise to drift away from the thought of myself. From being depress. Am I distancing (is there such a word?) away from myself? As in running away from myself?

You know I can't even study alone. Thats when such thoughts come running back. I can't study in groups cos I tend to go overboard.

I am just disappointed with myself. Relaxing won't help. Cos it will only be temporary. I've tried that for umpteen times already. The consequences will always be the same. The thoughts come running back to me in the some of the most unexpecting moments.

I tend to blow up all of a sudden. I am sorry. I tend to overreact. I am sorry. Cos I am just fighting. It hurts when someone rejects you for the way you are. Misunderstanding me. Its a common thing for me nowadays.

The world isn't ready for me and I am not ready for the world.

If I live my life as a failure, I just hope that my death will be a joyful and peaceful one.

zK taped a piece at 9/22/2004 10:42:00 PM

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------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ITE here I come.

My dreams shattered. They are always shattered. I have no hopes for my DNT nor Malay. 6 -2 = 4 subjects.

Bye bye.

zK taped a piece at 9/21/2004 01:54:00 AM

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H	Humorous
A	Appreciative
Z	Zippy
I	Insane
Q	Quintesential

Name / Username:

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zK taped a piece at 9/21/2004 01:45:00 AM

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------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ok I think I shall update my blog now.

These past few days have been very stressful for me. Very tensed and tight period. But, you know me, I take things lightly. I don't really study that much. Well since primary school, I've based my results on luck and kinda like.. on the spot thinking. I am a very lazy guy ah. I want to study but seems like I don't have the will to do so. Not to mention, getting distracted by other things super easily.

I spent the whole day yesterday lifelessly in front of the computer. Yep whole day. Got into a heated conflict with my sister. I got into a damn fucked up mood. I slept early. I didn't chat much. I hated myself. Now I am ok again. I think its time to change. My sis wrote a 3 page essay on what she thinks of me right now. Man, I am really disappointed with myself. People don't understand me yeh. But now, to the extent of not understanding yourself.. is just plain weird, scary and I don't know.. strange. I've been very distant from my family since I got this CPU and the divorce. Just making things worst. Its time to change and I've started today. I've managed to study! Finally. D&T. I've gone through 3 chapters in 2 hours. Time to read up and study on another one.. Tools and shit. Very weak in that area and also, a little bit on electronics. Also, gonna go through my Physics. Revise on Waves and all. Physics and D&T paper tomorrow. Wish me luck.

On a lighter note.. this past weekend was a blast! Hanging out with the #powermetal guys were great! Certainly diverted all my thinking away from studying into a world where you don't care what people think by doing stuff that you love and just to have fun. I've never had so much fun in a while right now.

On music.. I would like to have a break right now. Please, fellow band members. If you're reading this, please understand. I need to have a break. I really need to catch up with all my studies. Its ok if you want to kick me out or replace me.. a much less hostile word. Cos I've developed other interests. I would like to form my own project band one day. I don't know. Its just like nowadays.. I've lost interest in music well not entirely of course. Ok, a more straightforward remark is that, I wanna form a band of a genre that I've always wanted to do. Some jazzy grindcore progressive technical whatever music. I want my feelings to be generated through the music. Ok I am not being selfish. Ok I am being selfish. So shoot me.

Right now however, I want to tune myself into what I've always wanted to become.. a smart ass scientist. Haha. It has always been my ambition since I was Little Zeek. Its kinda cool. All you have to do is to come up with some equations, theories.. sit in a lab testing out chemicals and destroy some stuff if you're lucky.

I've also developed an interest in a specific sport. Its not really a sport but a fusion of arts and sports. Its called Parkour. Its basically.. 'freerunning' like skateboarding without a skateboard. I am really inspired by the discipline and the entire concept. Its kinda like a new sport so.. I bet most of you don't know what 'Parkour' is but its fun. I am kinda into extreme sports. Just trying new stuff even if it means killing you. So yeah. Thanks a lot Hyder. Hahaha.

So yeah, I guess thats all. Til then.

zK taped a piece at 9/15/2004 07:33:00 PM

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------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Kota Tinggi pics are up!

Will be posting up my experience on the trip NOT any time sooner. Heh ngah malas.

zK taped a piece at 9/09/2004 10:55:00 PM

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------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ martyrdom.

Just had one of the best school outings. I felt like a king with other kings around. Now I am back to Singapore. The crap country from hell. Upon reaching all those stressing and negative thoughts come rushing to my mind like receiving my Starhub reception back on the Causeway.

zK taped a piece at 9/07/2004 11:14:00 PM

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------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Well well.

I'll be going off to Kota Tinggi tomorrow. Some dumb NPCC trip. I've not beena regular and they still invie me along. Haha. Well sounds interesting except for the morning exercise. Staying at a resort. Nice. Shall post the pics up as soon as I get back on Tuesday.

zK taped a piece at 9/06/2004 01:05:00 AM

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------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Now I know that the end comes
You knew since the beginning
Didn't want to believe it's true
You are alone again
My soul will be with you

Why's the clock even running
If my world isn't turning
Hear your voice in the doorway wind
You are alone again
I'm only waiting

You tear into pieces my heart
Before you leave with no repentance
I cried to you, my tears turn into blood
I'm ready to surrender
You say that I take it too hard
And all I ask is comprehension
Bring back to you a piece of my broken heart
I'm ready to surrender

I remember the moments
Life was short for the romance
Like a rose it will fade away
I'm leaving everything

No regrets, war is over
The return of a soldier
Put my hands on my bleeding heart
I'm leaving all behind
No longer waiting

I've waited for so long!

zK taped a piece at 9/05/2004 02:10:00 AM

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------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ there is no God.

zK taped a piece at 9/04/2004 10:34:00 PM

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------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heard from sources that the Teachers' Day celebration sucked. A lot. Totally sucked. I heard that the sound quality was poor and the performances were way too mediocre. Ok poor. Very predictable indeed. Spent the eve of Teachers' Day going out with the ex students. Man, really able to mix around well with those guy. Played bowling. I got 3 strikes. The next day we went jamming. I mean jammed with Natural Selection. One of the best jamming sessions I've ever had! Everyone was simply enjoying themselves. Including me finally. Seems like my angst is slowly disintergrating away into space. We took stupid videos. I look like an idiot with a cap on.

My Preliminary Exams were ok. Paper 1 was well done. Except for the letter writing because of the insufficient time I had. Scribbling away during the last few minutes or so. Paper 2 sucked. Talked about the liberation of Moscow from Communism. Man, poor bastards. Weren't prepared for Capitalism and the 20th Century. (I didn't know that Russia was moving into Capitalism)

zK taped a piece at 9/02/2004 07:13:00 PM

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------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I live in a fantasy world where..

you die.

Sorry. I am just bored. I hate my fucking hairstyle. I prefer my long one. I look like some dunno what ah. Some jackass. No no. Thats not the word. Hur. I WANT MY LONG HAIR BACK! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK!

Why the hell am I getting frequent emo moods, reminiscing the past, envisualising the future and totally unconscious about the present? You know why? Cos I am in love. With... dunno who ah. What the hell am I blabbering about?

Why the hell am I always feeling suicidal? Maybe its just this depressing state I am in.

Why the hell am I weird to others? Frequently bumping into people and not saying sorry out loud? SOL.

Why the hell do you care? I am just a nobody.

Why the hell are some people blind? Anti-mats and anti-minahs here there everywhere. GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR LAH ASSHOLES!

Why the hell do people go? Because they have to.

Who am I to you?

zK taped a piece at 9/01/2004 01:53:00 AM

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