Pardon me English.

Every second passes by slowly. Every moment which is supposed to be treasured is slowly wasting away. I stare into an empty space, in deep thought..

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

I am in a mess and no one is here to clean me up. No one except for one.. me. Sure sucks being alone all the time. But hey, theres no wrong in saying that you were born alone and you're gonna die alone. I am just procrasinating my way to failure. I am trying to fight it. A war against myself. Failure.. humiliation.. ok a fucked up life? How's that?

I wish living could be much more easier. I just wish that all my sufferings will just be erased away in an instant instead of accumulating up to the state of being depressed. I am depressed whenever I am alone. Whenever I think of myself. That is why I socialise. I socialise to drift away from the thought of myself. From being depress. Am I distancing (is there such a word?) away from myself? As in running away from myself?

You know I can't even study alone. Thats when such thoughts come running back. I can't study in groups cos I tend to go overboard.

I am just disappointed with myself. Relaxing won't help. Cos it will only be temporary. I've tried that for umpteen times already. The consequences will always be the same. The thoughts come running back to me in the some of the most unexpecting moments.

I tend to blow up all of a sudden. I am sorry. I tend to overreact. I am sorry. Cos I am just fighting. It hurts when someone rejects you for the way you are. Misunderstanding me. Its a common thing for me nowadays.

The world isn't ready for me and I am not ready for the world.

If I live my life as a failure, I just hope that my death will be a joyful and peaceful one.

zK taped a piece at 9/22/2004 10:42:00 PM

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